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Signs a parent needs more help at home

Jo Armstrong, founder

It's rarely one moment. More often it's a slow build-up of small things: a missed appointment, a pan left on the hob, more forgetfulness than usual. This guide covers the signs families most often notice, and what to do if you're worried.

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What families and carers say
“We now have peace of mind. If Dad falls over at home, we know somebody is there to handle the situation and contact us immediately. And he quickly became used to all his meals being put in front of him!”

Fergal (Son)

The short answer

  • Look for patterns, not one-off bad days.
  • Common signs: falls, weight loss, missed medication, an unkempt house, unopened post, more confusion or isolation.
  • Sudden changes should be checked by their GP promptly.
  • Anyone can ask the council for a free care needs assessment.
  • Talk to your parent before deciding anything for them.

What signs might you notice around the house?

  • Unopened post, unpaid bills or reminder letters
  • Out-of-date food in the fridge, or very little food at all
  • Burnt pans, or the cooker left on
  • Laundry piling up, or the house less clean than they'd normally keep it
  • The house too cold, or the heating on full in summer
  • New dents or scratches on the car

What signs might you notice in them?

  • Weight loss, or loose-fitting clothes
  • Wearing the same clothes for days, or less attention to washing
  • Bruises they can't explain, which can be a sign of falls
  • Medication not being taken, or taken twice
  • More forgetful or confused, for example about the day or recent conversations
  • Seeing friends less, or giving up things they used to enjoy
  • Saying they're "fine" but avoiding detail
Unopened post and a cup of tea sit on a kitchen table.

Is it a bad day or a pattern?

Everyone has off days. Keep a simple note of what you notice and when. If the same things keep happening, or several signs appear together, it's time to act. Sudden changes, such as new confusion over a day or two, should be checked by their GP straight away.

What should you do first?

  • Talk to your parent. Ask how they're finding things, and listen. How to talk to a parent about getting care.
  • Talk to their GP, especially about falls, weight loss or memory. Many areas have a falls service the GP can refer to.
  • Ask the council for a needs assessment. It's free, and anyone who appears to need care and support can have one, whatever their savings.
  • Look at a personal alarm, so they can call for help after a fall.

What kind of help might they need?

It depends on how much help they need, and when:

  • A few hours a week: help with shopping, cleaning or getting out.
  • Daily visits: a home care agency visiting once or several times a day.
  • Live-in care: a carer living in, there all day and overnight. It's often the next step when visits aren't enough, for example after falls when nobody's there, or nights alone becoming a worry.
  • A care home: when someone needs nursing care or more help than one person can give.

How hourly visits compare with live-in care.

When is it an emergency?

If your parent is seriously unwell or injured, call 999. For urgent medical advice that isn't an emergency, call NHS 111.

This guide is general information, not medical advice. If you're worried about your parent's health, talk to their GP.

Sources

  • Care Act 2014: needs assessments
  • NHS: Falls
  • Age UK: Advice Line 0800 678 1602
Cover of Live-in Care: A Guide for Families

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