Caring for a parent from a distance

Why is caring from a distance so hard?

You find out about problems late. A fall, a missed appointment or an empty fridge can go unnoticed for days. Many parents don't want to worry their children, so they play things down. And when something does go wrong, you're hours away, trying to arrange things by phone.

How can you tell how they're really managing?

When you visit, look around as well as listening:

• Is there fresh food in the fridge, and are they eating proper meals?
• Is the post opened, and are bills being paid?
• Are they taking their medication? Full blister packs are a clue.
• Is the house as clean and warm as they'd normally keep it?
• Do they seem more forgetful, unsteady or withdrawn than last time?

Neighbours and friends often notice things before family do. With your parent's agreement, ask one or two people nearby to let you know if anything seems different. Signs a parent needs more help at home.

What paperwork should you sort out early?

• Lasting Power of Attorney. There are two kinds: one for property and financial affairs, and one for health and welfare. Your parent has to make them while they still have the mental capacity to do so. You apply through the Office of the Public Guardian.
• Permission to talk to the GP. Ask your parent to tell their GP practice that you can be contacted and given information. Practices usually have a form for this.
• Banks and bills. With their agreement, find out how bills are paid and who to contact. A Lasting Power of Attorney for property and finances makes this much easier later.
• A contacts list. GP, pharmacy, neighbours, family, and any services they use. Keep a copy by their phone and one with you.

Who should you have nearby?

You can't be there every day, so it helps to have a small circle of people who can be:

• A neighbour or friend who has a spare key, or a key safe by the door so help can get in.
• Someone who can pop in after a fall or a hospital appointment.
• Their local community: a church, club or day centre they already go to.

A personal alarm, worn as a pendant or on the wrist, lets them call for help if they fall. Many councils offer one, often for a small weekly charge. Ask their council about "telecare".

What technology actually helps?

• Video calls, so you can see how they look, not just hear how they sound.
• A shared family group or calendar, so brothers and sisters know who's calling and visiting when.
• Medication reminders or dispensers, which a pharmacy can advise on.

Agree any technology with your parent first. Cameras in the home in particular can feel like surveillance, and it's their home.

What are your rights at work?

Since April 2024, employees in Great Britain have the right to request flexible working from their first day in a job. Under the Carer's Leave Act 2023, employees who care for a dependant with a long-term care need can also take up to one week of unpaid carer's leave a year. Your employer can't refuse carer's leave, though they can ask you to move it in some circumstances.

Can you get support as a carer, even from far away?

Yes. If you help a parent with their care, you can ask for a carer's assessment. It's free, and it looks at what support you need, not just what your parent needs. Ask the adult social care team at the council where your parent lives. County carers' support charities also offer advice and someone to talk to.

When is it time for more help?

If you find yourself worrying every time the phone rings, or if visits and phone calls are no longer enough to keep your parent safe, it's time to look at more help. That might be visits from a home care agency, live-in care, or a care home.

With live-in care through us, your parent chooses their carers, and you can talk to those carers directly. For many families who live a long way away, knowing who is with their parent, every day, is what makes the difference. How it works.

This guide covers England. It's general information, not legal advice. Check employment rights with your employer or Acas, and Lasting Power of Attorney rules on GOV.UK.